Just to Share

One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was watch my son's headstone be put into it's place. I know this sounds crazy...but it just made everything ultimately final. Some of you who have been there will understand that, and some of you will not. It's just one of those things. I guess because it really is the final thing that I got to do for him.

"The Hurt and the Healer"

Why? The question that is never far away The healing doesn't come from the explained Jesus please don't let this go in vain You're all I have All that remains
So here I am What's left of me Where glory meets my suffering
I'm alive Even though a part of me has died You take my heart and breathe it back to life I've fallen into Your arms open wide When the hurt and the healer collide
Breathe Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do Pain so deep that I can hardly move Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You Lord take hold and pull me through
So here I am What's left of me Where glory meets my suffering
I'm alive Even though a part of me has died You take my heart and breathe it back to life I've fallen into your arms open wide When the hurt and the healer collide
It's the moment when humanity Is overcome by majesty When grace is ushered in for good And all our scars are understood When mercy takts rightful place And all these questions fade away When out of the weakness we must bow And hear You say "It's over now"
I'm alive Even though a part of me has died You take my heart and breathe it back to life I've fallen into your arms open wide When The hurt and the healer collide
Jesus come and break my fear Awake my heart and take my tears Find Your glory even here When the hurt and the healer collide [x2]
Jesus come and break my fear Awake my heart and take my tears When the hurt and the healer collide
This is a song from MercyMe that has just really grabbed my heart lately, and tonight especially so. Today has been one of those days. You know...the kind where it feels like everything in life has piled up on you at one time and it really does feel like all you can do is breathe...and not even very well at that. Just one of those really emotional days. Two years ago today, I was supposed to be delivering my first child, but instead I had miscarried months earlier. Thinking about my first angel today really made me wonder what life would be like now with a two year old. Quite interesting I'm sure. Like the song says, "Why? The question that is never far away." It really isn't ever far away. And not just pertaining to things that happen in my life, but things that I see happen to other people too. If you're like me, you can really get frustrated and caught up in the "whys" if you let yourself. I constantly have to remind myself that I don't know the answer, but God does. Not only that, he knows the why; He knows His plan for me; and He knows what my future holds. It's not my job to understand any of it. It's my job to lean on Him...trust Him when He says He knows the plans He has for me (Jer 29:11) and that when the river tries to overflow me or fire tries to burn me, He will not let it succeed (Isa 43:2). Sometimes I fail so miserably in this. Sometimes I get myself worked up with the questions, fears, and pain. Yes, I am a believer in Him, but I'm also very much human. But He always brings me back to the point where I can rest in Him and know that He has me in His hands and He's not letting go. The fact that I'm sober and in my right mind is proof enough of that. Without Him, I would not still be standing. Thank you Lord for being so merciful. You know my hurts and my heart. And I know that this is not all in vain. Please Jesus continue to pick me up on days like today where I just feel like I'm just existing...going through the motions of life. Continue to be the Healer of my hurt. Help me to honor You and help me to be bold for you. I love you Lord.