I Will Sing

Watch "I Will Sing - Don Moen" on YouTube

This song says it all.

Little Snowdrop

The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.

The little one we longed for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says says that we love you.
                       ~Author unknown

This poem was given to us at a support group meeting I went to for parents who are dealing with infertility or the loss of a child. It was read right before we released balloons in memory of our children who left too soon or that we never got to hold.  Over the past few months, I have become heartbreakingly aware of just how many parents go through the loss of a child. I have met many strong women and men who are going through the same heartbreak I am. And while I wish that none of us would have never had to go through this pain, I want to say how thankful I am for all of you. Thankful that you've shared your stories, your emotions, and most of all, your beautiful angels with me. I am so humbled that so many people have reached out to me during this time. My fellow Potter's angels parents especially, you will never know how much you have helped me. How much it has helped to hear your stories and know that we're not alone. My sweet friend Blair, who has been there for me every step of the way...who is always there with encouraging words, hugs, smiles from her sweet Selah:) and sometimes just a shoulder to cry on. You have been such a huge blessing in my life, and I love you for it.  My parents, who understand all too well the pain of losing a child. I never could have imagined the hurt they felt losing Grant until I had to say goodbye to my sweet Kelsey. My brother and sister, although we may not get to see each other much, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for either of them. My husband, Dennis, who has been the strong one, who has kept me from completely losing it at times. I love you!

And while I'm in the process of thanking people (that wasn't the original intent of this post, but I'm glad that's the direction it took), I also need to say thanks to my church family who has been there since day one. They have prayed for us, cried with us, and many of them were there to share in the precious few minutes we had with Kelsey. God knew what he was doing when He planted me at Victory. And last but not least of my earthly thanks, my coworkers, especially my principal and my assistant. I know Linda has put up with a lot from me over the past year. From mood swings and not being able to help change diapers while I was pregnant (morning sickness + dirty diaper= disaster) lol, to the emotional wreck I can be now. I know last week was rough. Kelsey's six month birthday was Friday, and that milestone just hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was a mess all week. And Karen, I know (even though she doesn't know I know:) ) she checks on me often, and she and Linda try to protect me from things they know might upset me. And for that I am grateful. It's not often you get to work for, and with, people who pray and people who truly care.

As I said, the past week or two has been really hard. I miss my Kelsey so bad some days that it's hard to even breathe. But the Lord still gives me the strength to take those breaths, no matter how bad it hurts. He gives me the strength to congratulate newly expectant mom or brand new parents. (Please don't  take that the wrong way...I am truly happy for those people and wish for them absolutely nothing but health and happiness for them and their little one. But sometimes, hearing of someone else's new pregnancy or newborn child can bring on a flood of emotions unexpectedly. It can bring back happy memories or it can bring back the pain. I just never know. So please don't take offense if I quietly walk away from a conversation where that is the topic. I just don't want to steal joy from the person highlighted by getting upset in front of people.) And for that strength I am thankful. If not for Jesus holding me up with His strength, I can't promise you that I would still be standing. On my own, I'm just not that strong. So please, keep us in your prayers. Although we've come a good ways, we still have a long road ahead of us. Much love to all of you. God bless!