Emotional rantings of a tired mother of an angel baby

It's been so long since I've posted that I don't even know where to start. To be honest, I just haven't had a lot to say or been in the mood. And I know that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. Even now, words are not easily found. But I know some of you have been wondering and worrying, so I decided I'd better at least write something. So here goes... Each passing month seems to be harder to bear, especially with the holidays coming up so fast. It just doesn't seem right that the rest of the world can just keep going when all I want to do is go back and hold Kelsey. I see so many precious babies who have parents who couldn't care less about them and I just want to scream! I know God has a plan for me, but sometimes it's really hard to even imagine what that might be. My heart is just completely broken. And for those of you who think I should just move on already, until you've been there, and I pray you NEVER will, you have no idea. I know the "you can try agains" and the "you're still youngs" mean well. But it doesn't help. It feels like Kelsey is being dismissed, even though I know that isn't the intention. And I know only people who have been there understand. I miss my son so much, and I love to talk about him. I know that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, but I'm sorry. Kelsey is and always will be a part of me and who I am. I love to share stories of our time with him. And when people ask me questions about him, it makes me feel good because it validates his life and the fact that he was here, if only for a little while. With that being said, I wasn't planning to rant. I guess I just needed to get some things off my chest.  And just for the record, none of my rantings were directed at anyone in particular...just the public in general. I understand that pregnancy and infant loss is a taboo subject. In sharing my story/rantings, I hope to help people understand more so that they can better handle themselves in the future.
On another note, I would like to ask for your continued prayers. I went in for my yearly checkup a couple of weeks ago. While all my tests were fine (other than blood pressure because sitting in that place for an hour sent me into a anxiety attack by the time I got into my truck), there is some issues we've dealt with in the past that have returned and could hinder us in getting pregnant again, especially any time soon should we decide to.  And like I said earlier, I know God has a plan for us. I just have to trust in His will and not mine, which is so much easier said than done.
One more thing and then I'm done. I would like to ask you to pray for a friend of mine and her precious little girl, Ally. I don't think she would mind me sharing this with you because the more people we have praying for Ally, the better. Ally was born with many birth defects including problems with her kidneys, lungs, bowels, and other areas. She is currently on dialysis and has developed an infection that doctors cannot figure out. They may have to move her to another hospital and do another type of dialysis. Please pray for healing for this precious child of God and for comfort and rest for her family. I know they would be very appreciative of any prayers sent their way.
Until next time...