Kelsey's First Birthday in Heaven

Sometimes it seems like just yesterday we were anxiously awaiting the arrival of our precious Kelsey. And then everything happened so fast. It's funny...I've spent today looking back on this time last year, and I've remembered somethings that I didn't even realize or notice last year. Like how I actually remember the times I had my epidural or the Pitocin. Or that we buried him on St. Patrick's Day. It's crazy how your mind works in times of great stress and trauma. I guess it just takes in just what you need to get through the moment. There's still a lot of gaps in my memory from the time immediately before and after Kelsey was born. Maybe they'll gradually fill in like they have today, or maybe they won't. Who knows? I do know that I am so thankful for the time we had with Kelsey. I miss him so much that it takes my breathe away at times. But it's a comfort to know he is with my Heavenly Father. He is happy, and all he's ever known is love... Both on earth and now in Heaven. I would give anything to hold him again, to tell him I love him and see him grow. To see him have a blast with his smash cake and balloons and icecream. But since we can't, we did the next best thing, and released a butterfly birthday balloon. God blessed us with a beautiful day, and the balloon was very slow in rising out of sight. It gave me a little comfort that it hung around, almost as if Kelsey was saying I'm here. I'm ok. I know he is, but it just helped my heart a little to feel like he was near. I love you my angel. Happy first birthday!