Still Standing

Wow, two years.  It's hard to believe that it's been that long since we said hello and goodbye to our sweet angel.  And yet, some days it feels like yesterday.  While I've been reflecting today over what the past two years have brought to our lives, I have to admit, it hasn't been easy.  Actually, there's probably been more difficult days than there have been easy days.  While trying to think about what I actually wanted to say on here tonight, I got to thinking about where I could have been had I been in a different mind set...had I not been saved...had a heart change.  I think about how I would have handled (or more than likely...not handled) the blows life has dealt us had I not had HOPE to hold on to.  I used to be one of those people who worried constantly about EVERYTHING.  I would make myself sick worrying about everything and everybody...letting every little thing get under my skin and make me a nervous wreck.  But in my reflection, I realize just how much I have grown through all of this, through our journey with Kelsey and in the two years since.  And I realize how thankful I am and should be.  Because those who know me, know that had it not been for my faith, and for God keeping me on my feet, there's no telling where I would be today.  Maybe drowning my sorrows in a bottle, or zoned out on antidepressants.  Who knows?  I can guarantee you, it wouldn't be good.  But instead, I am able to stand today.  I am able to function.  And while there are many days that still try to get the best of me, I can press on.  And there's only one reason for that:  JESUS!  He gives me the strength to stand when I don't have the power to do it on my own.  He has been so good to me even though I am nowhere near deserving of His mercy and grace.  And as hard as it was to say goodbye to Kelsey, I am extremely thankful for the little bit of time we had with him.  I know I am very blessed to have gotten to hold him, love and kiss on him, let him know just how much he is loved.  So many mothers don't get that opportunity, and for that, I am thankful.  And I am thankful that I know I will be with him again one day.  I have hope, because I know where I am headed one day.  I know that, despite all of my shortcomings and failures, my Jesus loves me and forgives me for all of those things.  I can stand on His promise.  And that promise gives me the strength to keep pressing forward in this life until it's time for me to move on from this world.  My heart aches for those who do not have this hope.  I just can't imagine what life is like without it.  I know there are many days that that is all that I have to hold on to.  And without it, life would be very dark and full of despair.  So, my question to you is...do you have that hope?  Have you been set free from darkness and despair?  Do you know where you are headed after this life is over?  I pray that you think long and hard about your life, your actions, your thoughts.  Take every thought captive and live every moment for Jesus.  That's the only real hope and joy we can have in this life.  That's the only thing that can truly keep us standing.

I love you all and thank you for all the thoughts and prayers that have been sent our way, especially over the past couple of days.  They have been tough.  We visited Kelsey's grave today to take new flowers and release two balloons since it is his second birthday in Heaven.  Lord knows we miss him so bad.  Parents, kiss your children and never take them for granted.  There are so many who would give anything for just another minute with their babies.  Until next time...